rackista39

QUEST!

Tue, 05 Jan 2010 16:45:33 GMT

yahoo!! nahanap namin yung mahiwagang papel para sa physics!

hirap ah?! lahat na ng email namin nabuksan na! ANU ORAS NA OH?!

hahahahha!!!!

HEY WORLD!

wala lang...

HAHAHAHAHHA!

nababaliw na ako! huhuhuhuhu!!!

--------------------------------
NEWS FLASH! 2010!
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tun-tinin-tun-tinin-tun-tunin
BOOM
tun-tun-ten-ten
BOOM
tun-tinin-tun-tinin-tin...tin...
*sound effects- intro*

Newscaster ( pogi mode yung boses ): Nabalitaan pong apat na babae ang tipong nagtutumalon po ngayong gabi! Ayon sa PAG-ASA, sila daw po ang nakatawag pansin sa isang delubyong bagyo ngayong bagong taon. Ang taong bayan po'y nangagamba sa pagdating na bagyong "ANASTASIA" dahil po sa mabilis nitong kilos na tipong may sinasayawan! Eh ano nga ba ang rason ng apat na kabataan, na tinatawag nila ang sarili nilang " BABY GROUP " -> sorry... nalimutan ko pangalan natin eh... forniciae? uh... :)) nvm. at sila'y naglulundag sa saya? Narito po si Jun Jun Baba! PASOK!

Jun Jun Baba: uh, Magandang Gabi po, NEWSCASTER! ang mga babaeng ito'y tila sobrang saya at naglulundag, na tuluyan na pong nagyaning ang Pacific Ocean! kaya ngayon po'y ...

Lea: YES! NAKITA KO NA!!! * tumalon sabay sipa sa ere, ala Japoy, at sa pagsipa ay kasabay ang kilos ng buhok... pero yung reaksyon yung tipong nanalo sa lotto *
Ana: ... NAIIYAK NA AKO! * lumundag, sabay tawa na may luha at may sipon... daw... sabi nung kuya niya .. :)*
Lea: YES! NAKITA KO NA!!! *sabay taas ng papel! sa sobrang higpit ng pagkahawak ay nalukot ito ng onti lang... *
Magno: YES LEA!!! ANG GALING MO! * nagsasalita habang tumatalon, sabay kapit sa papel na may pagka-onting higpit *
Yorro: HAHAHAHA! NAKITA KO NA! NAKITA KO NA!!! * habang lulumulundag din sabay turo sa bulala COW na nahulog from above, na tipong batang unang dating sa perya... pero kahit soft copy lang nakita ko... parang bulalakaw na rin yun kasi mabuti't nakita... gets? hahahaha*
Ana: THANK YOU LEA!!! * sabay lundag papunta kay Lea at hinawakan ang papel ng may onting higpit *
Lea: ORAYT! * tumatango na siya, ngunit di pa din tumitigil sa sobrang pagtalon! *

~ so basically, three hands are clutching the paper... ~

Yorro: *tumatalon din * HAHAHAHA! INAABOT KO NA! * sa sobrang saya'y di mapigilang tumalon ng dalawang beses bago umusad sa direksyon ng papel *

Jun Jun Baba: Nako po! mukhang mas lalo pong lalala ang bagyong ANASTASIA! *nagsasalita habang patuloy na pagyanig ng lupa* Ako po si Jun Jun Baba! talaga pong bababa na Pilipinas dahil sa BABY GROUP NA ITO! Back to you, NEWSCASTER!

Newscaster: Uh, Jun Jun, mukhang malakas nga ang pagyanig diyan sa set, ano, ah? Eh, ano ba yang papel na yan? Jun Jun? Jun Jun? * sabay tawag ng sunudsunod kay Jun Jun, pero nauna na siyang lumikas *

Newscaster: At dahil po walang sumasagot... * sabay yanig ng studio * kami po'y babalik para sa ilang paalala!

tun-tinin-tun-tinin-tun-tunin
BOOM
tun-tun-ten-ten
BOOM
tun-tinin-tun-tinin-tin...tin...
*sound effects- exit*

Yorro: WOOT!! * nakarating din sa grupo,sabay hawak sa papel... *

Ang buong grupo ay di na nakabitaw sa papel at tuluyan pa ring tumatalon, na NAPAPAHIGPIT na ang hawak nila rito... hanggang sa...

Papel : Hoy! masakit na ah! * lukot na lukot *

natigilan din. you tell what's next. :))
------------------------------------
Note:
~ so, basically, in the story, sobrang happy kami kasi nakita namin yung quest namin, and, WE WERE ABLE TO MOVE THE WORLD with just SIMPLE STEPS, jumping. :) get my point? :))
~ di ko minemention anu yung papel kasi yun na yung title ng blog... o ayan, minention ko tuloy dito... hahahaha!

2010: good morning blog! food blog!

Sat, 02 Jan 2010 04:24:05 GMT

good morning January 2, 2010! bang! bang! bang!

well then.. everything's done! even though it started with the burnt toast, i guess i did a pretty good job. :)

today, i woke up late. :(
i woke up at around 10 am.

i called a friend named: SHEAN!
<Center> she really looks cute here! :"></centeR>

my mother told me kasi that she called early this morning. so... yah...

<Center> x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x</center>

nothing was on the table except plates and utensils set for the next meal: LUNCH.
... so i decided to make something...

and i call it..

<Center>

o_FRENCH_TOAST_o

hahaha!! yes! :D

all you need are:
x eggs
x sugar
x milk

~ i added oatmeals that came from my lola last Christmas.

oh yeah! and
x oil
x cinnamon powder thingy... if you have only!
</center>
--------------------------------------------------------------------
I ALWAYS TRY TO MAKE GOOD STUFF...
--------------------------------------------------------------------

... yeah... music, lifestyle, personal stuff... and yeah... they turn out something else. :)
but that's okay! for it's a new year! and guess what,

<center> I BURNED THE FIRST BATCH OF TOAST!!

oh, yeah... i took the picture while i was eating it...</center>

anyway... i also made some for my mother and grandmother... :)

kasi hindi na ako nakakasabay kumain kasi lagi akong may ginagawa... laging nasa Church o kaya nasa bahay ng kabanda... :( to the point that we are losing family spirit... so yeah... it's a sort of exchange for my missing presence...

pero busog daw si mama for breakfast so ayaw niya. siguro kasi nakita niyang masunog yung unang batch...

hahaha! so ito naman sa grandma ko!

hahaha! i took pictures of it kasi i liked it... :))
so... here is a stream of photos...

yes... i served it with milk. :)

yay! i just took quick shots kasi it might turn cold when my grandma would eat it.

anyway... aw... i had to eat the burnt stuff...

hahaha... it's not yucky. :) okay?

----------------------
IN THE END...
----------------------

<Center> i guess i did well...

*thumbs up *

File 1

Thu, 31 Dec 2009 06:41:40 GMT

uploading because i will be formatting my hard drive. getting rid of stuff that's not worth.

sir sapunto!!! asan ka na?!

Tue, 29 Dec 2009 04:16:35 GMT

sir sapunto!!! asan ka na?!!!

miss na kita! :))

LAHAT NG NAKAKA- ALALA KAY SIR SAPUNTO, COMMENT HERE!

:( just browsed in youtube, went to my favorites... then saw the songs he asked me to learn... :((

wala nang rakistang teacher ang scho. ano ba nangyari sa kanya?!! :((

expect ko pa naman nandun pa siya sa scho pagdating ng schoolyear na toh... :((

aaaaaaah!

kumpleto pamilya ko. nanay, lola at ako.

Fri, 25 Dec 2009 09:41:56 GMT

~ December 24, 2009

... kahapon, may tumawag...

* ring... ring... *

" ako na!! " ... sabi ko... " hello?"

" ria... "

... tssk... haay... kerida ng kaibigan ko. uo... kabit. uo... may asawa kaibigan ko. :|

" oh ano? "... haay! kasawa! pagkalipas kasi ng ilang minuto ay tumatawag ulit ang babaeng ito! napapagod na ako.

" si kuya mo? di ba nadaan diyan?!! wala ba kayong tugtugan ngayong Pasko? "

kuleet!!! argh! ~x(

" di naman laging nadaan si kuya dito eh... ba't ba ang kulit mo?! di na kami nag-uusap kasi wala na ako sa banda namin!!! " ...amp talaga! huli kaming nagkita, last year pa!

"lumuwas daw sa Maynila eh! eh ikaw lang naman ang pimupuntahan niya diyan kapag tumatawag dito ... "

" eh sa anong magagawa ko?! eh hindi na kami nag-uusap at wala siya dito!!! " ... sabi ko. naiirita na ako! ang lakas kasi ng loob na tumawag, eh siya naman yung kabet! :|

ito pa yung nirason niya!!!! ITO!!!! :

" ria, naghahanap kasi yung mga anak namin eh... "

aba!! sila ba talaga ang naghahanap, o IKAW?!!! tae! ayaw sayo ni *blahblahblah* mas mahal niya asawa niya!!! NAKAKAINIS!!!

" wala ako magagawa, eh sa kung wala siya dito eh.. sorry... di kita matutulungan... " ... ANG KULEET!!!!! NAKO!!! *bursts*

--------------------------------
TAPOS, BIGLANG...
--------------------------------

binigay ni kerida yung telepono sa anak niya.

" boses ng bata..." " waah! wala akong tatay sa Pasko! "

...

tang ina. natigilan ako.

" ria, maawa ka naman. alam kong dadaan yan sa inyo tuwing may tugtog siya... "

di ako umiimik.

... kung anu-ano kasi tinuturo ni kerida sa anak eh! pano naman yung asawa ni *blahblahblah*!! :| paano din yung mga anak niya kay ate * blahblahblah *

hindi din ba sila maghahanap?!!!!! ha?!! ano?!!

aaaaah!!!!!!

* NAKAKAWINDANG!!! *

" eh bukas pa naman yung Pasko eh. ang mga gigs usually before and after Christmas. Mga battles naman bago hanggang matapos ang Rizal day... wag ka na makulit. " ...sabi ko.

sabay baba ng telepono.

==================================================================
PAANO AKO MAAAWA?! PAREHO LANG TAYONG WALANG AMA TUWING PASKO. :|
==================================================================

malay ko, baka pareho din tayong bastardo. basta alam ko may pamilya akong kailangang buhayin, kasi sila ang mga di nag-iisip at nag-alaga ng isang pahirap sa kanila. babayaran ko din yan kapag nagkatrabaho na ako.

ambaho man, pero, mahal ko sila, kaya isa rin akong bobo na nabubuhay para sa kanila.

ilang taon akong walang ama... simula pa lang ng nagawa ako, WALA NA AKONG TATAY, kaya di ako maaawa sa'yo. tinuturuan ang bata ng kahamabugan!! imbes na sabihin na mali ka dahil kabit ka ng tatay ng bata, ANG SASABIHIN MO AY WALA SIYANG AMA?!!!

TANG INA KA!

HAMBOG!

SAKIM!!!

umiinit dugo ko!!! argh!!!!

di ko maiwasang di mainis!!!!

***

di ko kailangan ng tatay para masabing buo ang aking pamilya. basta sama sama kami ng mga TOTOONG tao, mga bobo na nagmamalasakit at hindi iniisip ang sarili, okay na yun.

MABUHAY ANG MGA TAONG DI KUMPLETO MAGULANG AT MARUNONG TUMANAW NG TAMA.
ANG BAYAN AY ISANG INA NA WALANG KATUWANG NA AMA PARA ITAGUYOD ANG BUONG SAMBAYANAN.

... maaaring ilehitimo ako, o kaya ay salot . so what? basta may nagmamahal sa akin.

HOY! MAY PANININDIGAN AKO!

DAPAT AY TAMA ANG TINUTURO SA BATA! MUSMOS PA LANG YAN!!! KABOBOHAN NA ANG NILALAMAN NG ISIPAN!!!

.... mga sakim lang ang mga taong katulad ni kerida! mga kababawan ng diwa, at kawalan ng moral! biruin mo! ang kapal tumawag sa BAHAY NG KAIBIGAN para lang tanungin asan yung inaagaw niya!!!

ANG GALING MO DAY! MASUNOG KA!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Thu, 24 Dec 2009 16:21:02 GMT

Merry Christmas!!!

homosexuality is not a sin.

Mon, 21 Dec 2009 01:52:46 GMT

Homosexuality: Not a Sin...Not a Sickness;
What the Bible Does and Does Not Say

HOMOSEXUALITY & THE CHURCH:

The most beautiful word in the Gospel of Jesus Christ is "whosoever." All of God's promises are intended for every human being. This includes gay men and lesbians. How tragic it is that the Christian Church has excluded and persecuted people who are homosexual!

We are all created with powerful needs for personal relationships. Our quality of life depends upon the love we share with others, whether family or friends, partners or peers. Yet, lesbians and gay men facing hostile attitudes in society often are denied access to healthy relationships. Jesus Christ calls us to find ultimate meaning in life through a personal relationship with our Creator. This important spiritual union can bring healing and strength to all of our human relationships.

NOT A SIN...NOT A SICKNESS:

For many centuries, the Christian Church's attitude toward human sexuality was very negative: sex was for procreation, not for pleasure; women and slaves were considered property to be owned by males; and many expressions of heterosexuality, like homosexuality, were considered sinful. Such tradition often continues to influence churches today. Many teach that women should be subordinate to men, continue to permit forms of discrimination against peoples of color, and condemn homosexuals. They say that all homosexual acts are sinful, often referring to their interpretation of scripture.

Other churches today are influenced by a century of psychoanalytic thought promoted through a powerful minority in the field of medicine. They see homosexuality as some kind of sickness. Although this view has now been soundly discredited by the medical profession, some churches and clergy continue to be influenced by the idea. They say that homosexuals are "imperfect" and in need of "healing."

The good news is that, since 1968, when Metropolitan Community Church was founded, the emergence of a strong lesbian and gay community, and the conclusions of new scientific studies on homosexuality have forced the Christian Church to reexamine these issues. A growing number of biblical and theological scholars now recognize that Scripture does not condemn loving, responsible homosexual relationships. Therefore, gay men and lesbians should be accepted - just as they are-in Christian churches, and homosexual relationships should be celebrated and affirmed!

About The Bible:

The Bible is a collection of writings which span more than a thousand years recounting the history of God's relationship with the Hebrew and Christian people. It was written in several languages, embraces many literary forms, and reflects cultures very different from our own. These are important considerations for properly understanding the Bible in its context. There are vast differences in doctrines between various Christian denominations, all of which use the same Bible. Such differences have led some Christians to claim that other Christians are not really Christians at all! Biblical interpretation and theology differ from church to church.

Biblical interpretation and theology also change from time to time. Approximately 150 years ago in the United States, some Christian teaching held that there was a two-fold moral order: black and white. Whites were thought to be superior to blacks, therefore blacks were to be subservient and slavery was an institution ordained by God. Clergy who supported such an abhorrent idea claimed the authority of the Bible. The conflict over slavery led to divisions which gave birth to some major Christian denominations. These same denominations, of course, do not support slavery today. Did the Bible change? No, their interpretation of the Bible did!

New Information Refutes Old Ideas

What influences lead us to new ways of understanding Scripture? New scientific information, social changes, and personal experience are perhaps the greatest forces for change in the way we interpret the Bible and develop our beliefs. Scientific awareness of homosexual orientation did not exist until the nineteenth century.

Most Christian churches, including Metropolitan Community Church, believe the Bible was inspired by God and provides a key source of authority for the Christian faith. Therefore, what the Bible teaches on any subject, including sexuality, is of great significance. The problem, however, is that sometimes the Bible says very little about some subjects; and popular attitudes about those matters are determined much more by other sources, which are then read into the biblical statements. This has been particularly true of homosexuality. But fortunately, recent scholarship refutes many previous assumptions and conclusions.

GENESIS 19:1-25

What was the sin of Sodom? Some "televangelists" carelessly proclaim that God destroyed the ancient cities of Sodom and Gomorrah because of "homosexuality." Although some theologians have equated the sin of Sodom with homosexuality, a careful look at Scripture corrects such ignorance.

Announcing judgment on these cities in Genesis 18, God sends two angels to Sodom, where Abraham's nephew, Lot, persuades them to stay in his home. Genesis 19 records that "all the people from every quarter" surround Lot's house demanding the release of his visitors so "we might know them." The Hebrew word for "know" in this case, yadha, usually means "have thorough knowledge of." It could also express intent to examine the visitors' credentials, or on rare occasions the term implies sexual intercourse. If the latter was the author's intended meaning, it would have been a clear case of attempted gang rape.

Horrified at this gross violation of ancient hospitality rules, Lot attempts to protect the visitors by offering his two daughters to the angry crowd, a morally outrageous act by today's standards. The people of Sodom refuse, so the angels render them blind. Lot and his family are then rescued by the angels as the cities are destroyed.

Several observations are important. First, the judgment on these cities for their wickedness had been announced prior to the alleged homosexual incident. Second, all of Sodom's people participated in the assault on Lot's house; in no culture has more than a small minority of the population been homosexual. Third, Lot's offer to release his daughters suggests he knew his neighbors to have heterosexual interests. Fourth, if the issue was sexual, why did God spare Lot, who immediately commits incest with his daughters? Most importantly, why do all the other passages of Scripture referring to this account fail to raise the issue of homosexuality?

What was the Sin of Sodom?

EZEKIEL 16:48-50 states it clearly:

The people of Sodom, like many people today, had abundance of material goods. But they failed to meet the needs of the poor, and they worshipped idols. The sins of injustice and idolatry plague every generation. We stand under the same judgment if we create false gods or treat others with injustice.

LEVITICUS 18:22 & 20:13:

Christians today do not follow the rules and rituals described in Leviticus. But some ignore its definitions of their own "uncleanness" while quoting Leviticus to condemn "homosexuals." Such abuse of Scripture distorts the Old Testament meaning and denies a New Testament message. "You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination." These words occur solely in the Holiness Code of Leviticus, a ritual manual for Israel's priests. Their meaning can only be fully appreciated in the historical and cultural context of the ancient Hebrew people. Israel, in a unique place as the chosen people of one God, was to avoid the practices of other peoples and gods.

Hebrew religion, characterized by the revelation of one God, stood in continuous tension with the religion of the surrounding Canaanites who worshipped the multiple gods of fertility cults. Canaanite idol worship, which featured female and male cult prostitution as noted in Deuteronomy 23:17, repeatedly compromised Israel's loyalty to God. The Hebrew word for a male cult prostitute, qadesh, is mistranslated "sodomite" in some versions of the Bible.

What is an "Abomination"?

An abomination is that which God found detestable because it was unclean, disloyal, or unjust. Several Hebrew words were so translated, and the one found in Leviticus, toevah, is usually associated with idolatry, as in Ezekiel, where it occurs numerous times. Given the strong association of toevah with idolatry and the canaanite religious practice of cult prostitution, the use of toevah regarding male same-sex acts in Leviticus calls into question any conclusion that such condemnation also applies to loving, responsible homosexual relationships.

Rituals and rules found in the Old Testament were given to preserve the distinctive characteristics of the religion and culture of Israel. But, as stated in Galatians 3:22-25, Christians are no longer bound by these Jewish laws. By faith we live in Jesus Christ, not in Leviticus. To be sure, ethical concerns apply to all cultures and peoples in every age. Such concerns were ultimately reflected by Jesus Christ, who said nothing about homosexuality, but a great deal about love, justice, mercy and faith.

ROMANS 1:24-27

Most New Testament books, including the four Gospels, are silent on same-sex acts, and Paul is the only author who makes any reference to the subject. The most negative statement by Paul regarding same-sex acts occurs in Romans 1:24-27 where, in the context of a larger argument on the need of all people for the gospel of Jesus Christ, certain homosexual behavior is given as an example of the "uncleanness" of idolatrous Gentiles.

Does this passage refer to all homosexual acts, or to certain homosexual behavior known to Paul's readers? Romans was written to Jewish and Gentile Christians in Rome, who would have been familiar with the infamous sexual excesses of their contemporaries, especially Roman emperors. They would also have been aware of tensions in the early Church regarding Gentiles and observance of the Jewish laws, as noted in Acts 15 and Paul's letter to the Galatians. Jewish laws in Leviticus mentioned male same-sex acts in the context of idolatry.

What is "Natural"?

Significant to Paul's discussion is the fact that these "unclean" Gentiles exchanged that which was "natural" for them, physin, in the Greek text, for something "unnatural," para physin. In Romans 11:24, God acts in an "unnatural" way, para physin, to accept the Gentiles. "Unnatural" in these passages does not refer to violation of so-called laws of nature, but rather implies action contradicting one's own nature. In view of this, we should observe that it is "unnatural," para physin, for a person today with a lesbian or gay sexual orientation to attempt living a heterosexual lifestyle.

Romans 1:26 is the only statement in the Bible with a possible reference to lesbian behavior, although the specific intent of this verse is unclear. Some authors have seen in this passage a reference to women adopting a dominant role in heterosexual relationships. Given the repressive cultural expectations placed on women in Paul's time, such a meaning may be possible.

The homosexual practices cited in Romans 1:24-27 were believed to result from idolatry and are associated with some very serious offenses as noted in Romans 1. Taken in this larger context, it should be obvious that such acts are significantly different from loving, responsible lesbian and gay relationships seen today.

THE OTHER VERSES...I CORINTHIANS 6:9 & I TIMOTHY 1:10:

Any consideration of New Testament statements on same-sex acts must carefully view the social context of the Greco-Roman culture in which Paul ministered. Prostitution and pederasty (sexual relationships of adult men with boys) were the most commonly known male same-sex acts.

In I Corinthians 6:9, Paul condemns those who are "effeminate" and "abusers of themselves with mankind," as translated in the King James version. Unfortunately, some new translations are worse, rendering these words "homosexuals." Recent scholarship unmasks the homophobia behind such mistranslations. The first word - malakos, in the Greek text-which has been translated "effeminate" or "soft," most likely refers to someone who lacks discipline or moral control. The word is used elsewhere in the New Testament but never with reference to sexuality.

The second word, arsenokoitai, occurs once each in I Corinthians and I Timothy, but nowhere else in other literature of the period. It is derived from two Greek words, one meaning, "males" and the other "beds", a euphemism for sexual intercourse. Other Greek words were commonly used to describe homosexual behavior but do not appear here. The larger context of I Corinthians 6 shows Paul extremely concerned with prostitution, so it is very possible he was referring to male prostitutes. But many experts now attempting to translate these words have reached a simple conclusion: their precise meaning is uncertain.

Conclusion...No Law Against Love:

The rarity with which Paul discusses any form of same-sex behavior and the ambiguity in references attributed to him make it extremely unsound to conclude any sure position in the New Testament on homosexuality, especially in the context of loving, responsible relationships. Since any arguments must be made from silence, it is much more reliable to turn to great principles of the Gospel taught by Jesus Christ and the Apostles. Love God with all your heart, and love your neighbor as yourself. Do not judge others, lest you be judged. The fruit of the Holy Spirit is love . . . against such there is no law.

One thing is abundantly clear, as Paul stated in Galatians 5:14:

"...the whole Law is fulfilled in one statement, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself".

INSIGHTS FROM OTHER BIBLE SCHOLARS:

- "The homosexuality the New Testament opposes is the pederasty of the Greco-Roman culture; the attitudes toward pederasty and, in part, the language used to oppose it are informed by the Jewish background."
Robin Scroggs, Professor of Biblical Theology, Union Theological Seminary, New York City.

- "One cannot be absolutely certain that the two key words in I Corinthians 6:9 are meant as references to male homosexual behavior."
Victor Paul Furnish, Professor of New Testament, Perkins School of Theology, Dallas.

- "The strongest New Testament argument against homosexual activity is intrinsically immoral has been derived traditionally from Romans 1:26, where this activity is indicated as para physin. The normal English translation for this has been 'against nature.' Two interpretations can be justified concerning what Paul meant by the phrase. It could refer to the individual pagan, who goes beyond his own sexual appetites in order to indulge in new sexual pleasure. The second possibility is that physis refers to the 'nature' of the chosen people who were forbidden by Levitical law to have homosexual relations."
John J. McNeill, Adjunct Professor of Psychology, Union Theological Seminary, New York City.

- "A close reading of Paul's discussion of homosexual acts in Romans 1 does not support the common modern interpretation of the passage. Paul did not deny the existence of a distinction between clean and unclean and even assumed that Jewish Christians would continue to observe the purity code. He refrained, however, from identifying physical impurity with sin or demanding that Gentiles adhere to that code."
William Countryman, Professor of New Testament, Church Divinity School of Pacific, Berkeley.

- "The Hebrew word 'toevah,' here translated 'abomination,' does not usually signify something intrinsically evil, like rape or theft (discussed elsewhere in Leviticus), but something which is ritually unclean for Jews, like eating pork or engaging in intercourse during menstruation, both of which are prohibited in these same chapters."
John Boswell, Professor of History, Yale University, New Haven.

Reference:

http://www.soulfoodministry.org/docs/English/NotASin.htm

nothing can bring me back once i am dead.

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 14:14:33 GMT

sa tinagal tagal kong mabuhay sa mundo,
natiis kong maging isang ganito...
lagi na lang nakikinig sa sabi ng iba,
lang na lang hindi maganda sa mata ng pamilya,
lagi na lang mali!
lagi na lang tanga! bobo! gago!

ANO PA BA MATATAWAG NIYO?!

sabi ng nanay ko isa akong walang kwentang tao!
sabi naman ni lovegun, nasira ko reputasyon niya!
hindi ako tanggap ng pamilya ko kasi anak ako sa kung saan man.
BOBO AKO KASI WALA NA AKONG GANA MABUHAY!

ano pa ba pagkakamali ko?!

bawat tao may rason... rason sa mundo...
rason ko ay PAHIRAPAN KAYO!
hirap na hirap na ako!!!

GUSTO KO NA MAMATAY! WALA NAMAN AKONG NAGAGAWANG MABUTI EH!
EVERYTIME I TRY TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT, IT JUST TURNS OUT TO BE THE WORST THING THAT HAS HAPPENED!

baket?! kasalanan ko din bang nabuhay ako! eh patay na nga yung nanay ko bago ako ipanganak eh! hindi ko nga kilala sino ako eh! HINDI KO NA KAYA!!!!!

true love

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 13:26:29 GMT

there is a point in my life that i would not look back...

the point where my songs would not mean a thing...

where points are just a thought in mind. :|

+_+

i had her... i had you. i even had him, i had THEM.
i want you, only you. i guess this is something wrong, but i don't want to replace you.
some one made a hole, please come and make me whole.
i was meant to be wrong, thinking she could make me right... yes, she did make me right...

but you made me happy but wrong...

still, THANK YOU.

+_+

i am afraid...
very afraid to love...
to like someone... to fall for you.
i DESPISE myself for being so foolish.

i was afraid to say words...
i was afraid to tell you i care,
for you might think otherwise,
you might hurt me, i might hurt anyone,
i will hurt myself.

i was afraid to show that i know how to feel,
to know how to love,
to know how to say what i truly feel,
because when it comes to who i really want,

EVERYTHING will just vanish...
maybe, you wouldn't even believe me,
for you would think it would still be someone worthless,
maybe it's still her. but NO. it's you.

but i am afraid to say what i really feel.
i did it once,
I WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN...

for i am afraid

I would never find true love...

i would never know if...
or maybe, not!
but i know someone still cares for me,
but i can't care back,
for it's you who i want,
you who i don't want to lose,
you who I WILL NEVER MEET after this everafter.

xxx
i love you.
and you.
and you.
ALL OF YOU.

yet, still, but...

none of you did i find what is

TRUE.

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MY LOVE WAS ONCE A HAPPY STORY TO TELL...
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... until love was not a story,
but a mystery why I fell...
a mistake of history,
that no one could ever tell.

~ do you know true love?

muntik na kitang minahal.

Sat, 05 Dec 2009 02:27:26 GMT

community day... ng school ko... i missed the gradeschool performance. i came from a practice with kapatid recess time that day. i went down with a bunch of people with glee club on stage.i wasn't paying attention at first to the song... i was having a conversation with our moderator about a Christmas event... then i heard...

' di ako noon nakayang ipadama sa'yo ang nararamdaman ng pusong ito...
at hanggang ngayo'y naaalala pa... muntik na kitang minahal... '

i knew the song... i did not know the title... or who made it... but i knew it... it was very familiar...

it was a moment i stopped to listen...

' Bawa't tanong mo'y iniwasan ko
Akala ang pag-ibig mo'y `di totoo
`Di ko alam kung anong nangyari
Damdamin ko sa `yo'y hindi ko nasabi
Hanggang ang puso mo'y napagod
Sa paghihintay kay tagal
Saka ko lang naisip muntik na kitang minahal ... '

i asked chelsea what it was the next day...

ah, i remember. it was my tita used to sing to me when i was a kid... the sister of my mother's mother... ha! labo. so lola ata...

somehow, i hated looking at the past, but this was the moment i tried to remember hard, yet... it took time to remember... i felt empty.

MUNTIK NA KITANG MINAHAL
the company

new song. rackista39

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 10:25:14 GMT

after ilang buwan ng kawalan. nagsayang nanaman ako ng oras para sa katarantaduhan... yehey! tanga!

32. My Way
by rackista39
- December 2, 2009. for someone i once knew

I'm walking very slow
Making pace with a dreamless day
It started with your eyes
Starting at the moments of yesterday

So you know that we'd make it through
You made me realize I'm happy to be with you
On days of sadness, you where there by my side
Until it's over, it's time to go my... way

So sick of all the things
Out of nowhere takes your smile
Rest in my absence
Remember I'm sorry
Yes, I let go

Like water in my eyes
I'm waiting for this love until it dies...

i am the only beast ...

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 17:25:19 GMT

alam ko namang hayop ako eh... sabi mo eh.

for you...

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 08:13:32 GMT

dearest you,

           please forgive me if i make no sense. sorry if i always screw up. sorry if i always make mistakes. sorry if i lie to you. sorry if i told you i don't care. sorry i make your day worse. you make mine worse too, but i guess that's just life, and i will not be used to it if you're gone. sorry if i can't help you... you do not know how much i wanted to figure this out as well. i guess i am not the right person to care for you, or be your bridge along the way.

        please show me how much you care. i want to see a smile from you. we both have our reasons to make the day blue. i know it's personal, i am better off with... let me change my mind... without you. here, i lied again... i see that it's hard to stay tough, for what i've made you see, what i've made this world believe made me weaker than ever before.

       you do not know how much i hate myself for being helpless, for i lost everything i had, even you. please make me take a stand and stir my howling spirit to a new direction. i hate it when i cause you everything that is bad. i hate it when i cause you anger. i recall how i hated monday mornings, and weekdays for i get the chance of resulting from a good mood to a crazy wave. you do not know how i hate myself for making such an ugly fool from it, knowing that i could be better, if i never swallowed my growling pride and if i had not fallen in the pit of tar that changed me. it converted me to make shit, and to a lowly creature, lower than you're hell... well, you do not know how i missed hating you... even if i still have the reason to hate you, i still miss it. i miss being alone, i miss my privacy. i miss my life... yet i've been sulking to become the old me before this drastic change, and yet, i see that i am coming back to life, but with same problems.

     go on! be mad! for i've made you piles of shit!! for you! that others find nice, yet i know it's a mistake, and it's burried in my cemetery, revived by mystery and creative stories. i've made hand written colors to warm and paint the cold air, i've made hand written colors washed by you stare... that's colder than the air. ah, yes. your stare. you have the eyes that would shimmer and shine. i found it in your eyes, the most beautiful pair i've seen, the conviction and happiness, feelings i've never seen before... but in your eyes, i've seen it change, 'til now i see it blank and ugly. no more happiness... it doesn't shimmer and shine. i was afraid that i was one reason to cause this monstrosity. the magic faded to ash... it's all gone.

     you do not know how worse i feel, worst than ammunition and bereavement. more down than the winter summer's snow, for mistakes are still to follow. you've seen me fall, you've watched me wake, you've witnessed my crawling, and stepped on my brakes... i did not realize how much it would cost me to make you shit... i've lost boom, i've lost disconnection, i had to play with feelings, a selfish act just to forget you. AAAAAAH! I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONE!

... until that day that others knew, not seniors but people of true. i do not know if you know it too, but i have no idea how they knew... until now, it bothers me, who else knows it's you...

                                                                                                                   -yorro. nov.30.09

disapinado...

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 01:29:54 GMT

even life has its own melody,
one that would take others away from melancholy...
it has the hope to have a brethren
to come back from injury...

~ asan ka na?! inaantay ka na ni goddess... :)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HAAY BUHAY NGA NAMAN.... mapagbiro... puro pagsubok.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

my life... ah, yes. one of the greatest!

my life... sintunado.
my life... indulto.
my life... obrero.
my life... sakripisiyo.
my life... musikero.
my life... simpleng tao...

simpleng buhay. simpleng hirap. simple... swak lang.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
LOVE OF MY LIFE...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
~ bring it back... don't take it away from me
because...

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS TO ME!

~ freddie mercury. QUEEN

haay... ayan tuloy. alam mo na din. D: siyempre. alangan namang lumapit pa ako sa'yo.

pagkatapos kong itago ang totoo... buong akala ko mabubuhay ako ng di kinukwento ang buhay ko...
na mali ang lahat ng ginawa ko. masakit kasi baka may gusto na ako sa'yo.

:(

oh well!

~ love of my life, can't you see? you took it away from me because YOU don't know what it means to me... ~ rackista39

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i live my day as if it were my last...
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so true... true and blue...

i promised myself that i should make the whole world listen before i die...
i promised myself that i'd give my family a better life...
i promised myself that i have to prove that music is worth making...

> all of it is gone.. i broke my promise. i left my piece. now... nothing.

continuation...

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 13:45:03 GMT

* kanina ... *

tao 4, may nasabing pangalan ng kaibigan ko last year... hirit ko:
ako: aw... si *pangalan ni kaibigan*
classmate 1: aww...

* tao 4, nagulat ako nanlisik yung mata niya habang nakitingin sa akin, na parang mali na sabihin yung pangalan ni kaibigan *

ako: bakit? wala namang masama ah!
* napatingin ako kay classmate 1 *
ako: nakita mo yun?
classmate 1: oo nga eh!

D:

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CONFUSED NA TALAGA AKO... GANUN BANG KASAMA YUNG ITSURA KO? *not in a bad self centered way *
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* that same day time... *
* classmates asking questions on how one is affected by media... *

classmate 2: *asks a question about who are affected when it comes to their looks and what they see on tvs and magazines *

... a sea of people raise their hands ...

* i wasn't raising mine... personally, kasi, i just don't look out to what i should wear, or how i look... tapos out of the blue, i blurted out, kasi madami nagtataas ng kamay... *

ako: vain...

* tao 4 looked at me, looking shocked * ~ cricket sound comes in ~
* ako din nagulat kasi di ko akalaing maririnig niya... *

ako: ay, wala lang po yun...
* we both laughed... *

... pero, naalala ko yung standards... * ang baba ng standards mo *

tssk.

--------------
DAHIL BA:
---------------

x mukha akong dugyot
x maitim ako
x di ako mukhang presentable
x di ako nag-aayos
x lousy uniform ko
x dahil ba bagsakin ako
x di ko ginagamit utak ko

???

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DITO NAMAN TAYO SA MGA NEUTRAL NA PANGYAYARI. ACTUALLY, FEEL KO DAPAT MASAYA TO...
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everytime seryoso ako, nauuwi sa tawanan!

-----------------------------------------------------------
TALENTA... este, TARANTADO MOMENTS...
-----------------------------------------------------------

* papanhik ako... actually, i am already walking along the corridors. ibabalik ko sana yung amp kasi di na namin gagamitin... *
* nakasalubong ko si tao 5 *
* nagkatinginan kami. parang ako, may kutob akong magkakausap kami ... *
* tao 5 napatigil para makipag- usap *
* parang ako, looks back kasi ineexpect kong may sasabihin siya... pero di ko alam ano... NAKO PO! *

tao 5: ria, what inspires you to make songs...? * smiling *

* i sigh... putting the amplifier down on an elevated area so it will be easier to reach, to talk to tao 5 *

ako: haay... pati ikaw alam mo din...
* tao 5 smiles again and i was felt like shrinking... *
ako: nako... disturbing kaya!
tao 5: * mouthed * si * dug dug dug dug * ?
ako: pano mo nalaman? *seryoso mode*

* staring moments *
* moments of silence comes next... *

ako: disturbing kaya! * frantic mode *
tao 5: even i am disturbed of... -pause- *dug dug dug dug* ?
*asks if it was really that person*
* jokes *

ako: pano mo nga nalaman?!
tao 5: i always pass here no?! i hear it from people...

* ghad! ha?! baket?! pano? parang ayokong maniwala... hindi. ayoko talaga! * hahahaha! *

* i was a bit teary kasi i don't know how to deal with stuff that i totally had forgotten... or left behind na... *
* naiyak na ako kasi nakakainis yung situation... tapos di ko alam ano sasabihin ko *

tao 5: ria!! there's nothing wrong if you make songs for someone!

* tao 5 trying to look assuring... *

* that struck me... gha! even if it's wrong, it sounded right... *

* this kept me thinking as well *
* that stopped my tears from making its first breakdown... *

* kung alam mo lang kung ano yun, nako, tao 5. di mo sasabihin yan... D: * hahaha*

~ actually, insight ko lang dito, nagulat ako kasi i did not expect that to come from tao 5. really.

* so ayun... *
ako: pano mo nga nalaman?!
tao 5: ha? duh, i pass here nga!
ako: Ang lakas naman ng pandinig niyo!
tao 5: malamang! alangan namang marinig ko sarili ko kapag di ako nagsasalita!
* we both laugh *

~ at ngayon, natatawa na ako kasi parang wala nang point yung songs na yun eh... parang joke time na lang... but i found this conversation really off ...

-----------------------------------------
TARANTADO MOMENT 2...
-----------------------------------------

* ito, matagal na to... *
* tao 6, nag usap lang kami randomly about college... *

tao 6: ria, what are you planning to take for college...
* sigh... alam mo namang bagsakin ako eh... *
ako: wala. kailangan ko na munang magkatrabaho.
tao 6: ha? e, to get a job, diba you have to finish college first?
ako: * shrugs * mas kakailanganin kong magtrabaho muna kaysa mag-aral...
* tao 6 staring *
ako: * uhh... * basta!

* ito, moments of silence ulit *
* i was looking down *

* biglang *

tao 6: bakit? dahil ba tingin mo hindi ma aacquire yung skills mo sa college?
ako: * napaisip * * nods my head *
tao 6: well ako, naappreciate ko yung skills mo...

* woah! kagulat *
* it felt like things my thoughts stopped in midair *
* di ko expect na manggagaling yun kay tao 6 *
* ang lakas ng impact kasi it did not come from the people who are more involved in my life *
* kasi mali yung purpose nung musikang nagawa ng mga kamay ko * *huhuhuhu*

* moment of silence ulit *

tao 6: well, you just have to work hard to finish highschool so that you could do well in college... *or something like that*

... so true... highschool muna bago college... D:

~ haay... saklap! buti na lang, dahil kay tao 5, tatawanan ko na lahat! :)) hahaha! basta!

D:

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HAHAHA! KAUSAP KO YUNG ISANG BEST FRIEND KO NGAYON! VALJEAN!
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kasi itong pare ko, madaming astig na pets! like snakes, owl, dogs, iguana, ipis, scorpions, cats, at AKO! hahaha! tae! biro lang! takte!

tapos sabi niya, ibebenta niya na daw lahat ng hayop niya! :))

tas bibili daw siya ng bagong aso!

hahahaha! tas sabi ko

' SAYANG! ASTIG KAYA YUN! PARE, WAG! '

sagot niya...

' nu ka ba?! EXOTIC yung mga hayop ko! MALALAMBING MO BA ANG EXOTIC?! '

* grabe! natatatawa na talaga ako! *

'... yung aso nga nalalambing eh! Gets?! pero kapag yung ahas yung lambingin mo, ang lamig... '

seryoso pa siya eh! hahahahaha!

wala lang! share!

mga dinidibdib ko...

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 12:29:02 GMT

sige... ilalagay ko dito isa isa ah...

simulan natin KAHAPON...

nasa corridors, galing office, nakasalubong si tao number 1.

tao 1: yorro, balita ko gumawagawa ka ng kanta...
* wow! pano naman nalaman ni tao 1? naks! pinakikinggan niya kaya yung mga kanta namin? *
ako: oh?!
tao 1: oo! balita ko nga eh *blah blah blah blah blah* yung chords mo eh.
*di ko pinansin nung una kasi akala ko joke lang... *

*tas INULIT niya! dun na ako nagkanda leche-leche...*

ako: ha?! san mu namang lupalop nakuha yan?!
tao 1: *blah blah blah blah* yung chords mo. as in *blah blah blah blah blah*
ako: *natutulig na sa blah blah blah* tae! san mu nga nalaman?! LAOS na yan ah!
tao 1: it came from my most reliable source...

*staring moments *

tao 1: tama ba? *nanlalaki yung mata*
ako: naniniwala ka ba?! eh pano kung di totoo?!
tao 1: ewan ko. naniniwala ako eh!

*caveman feelings come in... ~cricket sound~ ... any moment now... *

ako: * frantic mode * takte! sino nga nagsabi!!! kalahi ko ba o kalahi mo?!
tao 1: kalahi ko eh.
* patay! *
ako: SINO NGA?! ILAN YAN?!
tao 1: madami kami eh...

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BAKIT BA KAILANGAN NIYO AKONG PAG-INITAN?!! HA?! DIYAN BA KAYO MASAYA?!
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KANINA naman...

* kakatapos ko pa lang mag gitara, tumayo ako, magulo uniform ko *

tao 2: yorro, fix your uniform
ako: ay, wait! mag mamagic ako! *biro ko, kasi ayoko mailang kay tao 2 kasi baka masama na din yung tingin niya sa akin *
ako: ding! magic! * nag-aayos ng uniform *
tao 2: ang baba ng standards mo..

* parang ako, 'ano connect?'... tas... akala ko mali ako ng pagkakarinig *

ako: ha? ano ulit yun?
tao 2: sabi ko ANG BABA NG STANDARDS MO!!!!

* takte! parang ako, ' haaaaa?! bakkkeeeeeeet?!!!! ano naman ginawa ko?! ' *

... bakit kaya? ...

* punta sa sulok at tinanggal ang amp sa saksakan... si tao 2 nakatitig ng SOBRA! *
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BAKIT BA KAILANGAN NIYO AKONG PAG-INITAN?!! HA?! DIYAN BA KAYO MASAYA?!
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i deleted all the songs for lovegun...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 11:47:37 GMT

ewan ko ba kung pagsubok to... D: nasabi ko nang hindi na ako gagawa ng kanta...

nangarap akong mabago at maparamdam sa buong mundo ang musika... ang nais kong maparating... oo nga naman, ano ba mapapala ko? eh lahat na lang ng gnwa ko para dito ay walang kwenta... tama ba? mapapahamak pa ang mga taong ayaw dito.

sinira ko ba reputasyon niyo? para mas hindi masira, tatanggalin ko na. tutal naman hindi naman importante eh... wala na naman akong mukhang ihaharap eh sa inyo eh... ang dami niyo pala, hindi ko alam na sobra ang nagmamasid... grabe. how long could you bury me? i try to bear with my miserable fate. stop making things worse.

salamat sa mga taong nagrate, comment, nakinig sa FATE Album... hindi lang kanta ko yung nandoon pero pati yung mga gawa ni Kim Lumagbas simula pa nuong 2nd year kami. nabigyan niyo ako ng pagkakataong mapamalas ano man ang khangalang nagawa ko. tarantado eh... sorry... hindi to talent eh. mali...

siguro, rason ko lang para mabuhay ay manakit ng tao, maging pahirap, at higit sa lahat, sayangin ang oras niyo...

pangarap kong ipagpatuloy ang musika, at matagal na akong nahumaling nito, pero laging may point na hindi na pwede... aaaaaaaaaah!!! D: gusto ko makilala para sa musika, pero mali ang musika, mali ang pagkakakilala, mali ang himig na nalikha...

i surrender.

salamat. ~ yorro. rackista39

Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 00:34:51 GMT

Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide
No escape from reality
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see
I'm just a poor boy (Poor boy)
I need no sympathy
Because I'm easy come, easy go
Little high, little low
Any way the wind blows
Doesn't really matter to me, to me

Mama just killed a man
Put a gun against his head
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead
Mama, life has just begun
But now I've gone and thrown it all away
Mama, ooh
Didn't mean to make you cry
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters

Too late, my time has come
Sends shivers down my spine
Body's aching all the time
Goodbye, everybody
I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
Mama, oooooooh (Anyway the wind blows)
I don't want to die
Sometimes wish I'd never been born at all

[Guitar Solo]

I see a little silhouetto of a man
Scaramouch, Scaramouch, will you do the Fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me
(Galileo) Galileo (Galileo) Galileo, Galileo Figaro
Magnifico-o-o-o-o
I'm just a poor boy nobody loves me
He's just a poor boy from a poor family
Spare him his life from this monstrosity

Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?
Bismillah! No, we will not let you go
Let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you go
Let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you go
Let me go (Will not let you go)
Let me go (Will not let you go) (Never, never, never, never)
Let me go, o, o, o, o
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
(Oh mama mia, mama mia) Mama Mia, let me go
Beelzebub has the devil put aside for me, for me, for me!

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye
So you think you can love me and leave me to die
Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here

[Guitar Solo]
(Oooh yeah, Oooh yeah)

Nothing really matters
Anyone can see
Nothing really matters
Nothing really matters to me

Any way the wind blows...

UST.. and blog...

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 12:31:04 GMT

WOW! simply wow... naluha kaya ako kanina... D: pangarap kong makarating dun! pangarap na pangarap kong makapasok dun! dati kasi sabi ko malayo... di ko kaya... PERO GUSTO KO! tas kanina, sabi ni mama pwede na daw kami pumunta kasi napaxerox niya yung nso birth certificate na ayokong tingnan... haha... basta! ayun! tas kasi nakapag-ipon na ako for the application form starting dun sa mga sukli sukli sa pamsahe at mga baon na di nagagalaw, at eventually, nasakop yung pamasahe namin ni mama! hahaha! GRABE!

i went to ust to apply for the entrance exam on December 6... tae.

1st choice: Bachelor of music... - ayaw talaga ni mama nito... alam kong di namin kaya kasi ilang taon din to... as in mga 6 or 7? minimum na nga ata yung 5 years, di ka pa tapos nun! grabe, as in walang bawian kong sinulat yun. sabi ni mama padalos dalos daw ako. :(( dun ko kasi sa ust sinulat habang nasa counter, kasi natatakot akong suwayin si mama... kasi baka hindi niya ako suportahan, which is evident... waah! ito lang yung paraan para mabago lahat... para mapatawa ang iba. mapakanta ang di umaawit... at gumawa ng musika na buong mundo ang tatangkilik.

ito lang... sabi kasi yung test, AUDITION! hala! gusto ko magmajor in composition, para makagawa ako ng mga kanta para sa Diyos, at the same time, para sa buong mundo. kaya lang... nabibingi na ako.. honestly... may something sa left ear ko, which was found recently nung nagpacheck up ako before the va trip... disturbing kasi inborn ata siya... D: hahaha! Anyway, sidestory. baka may pagawa silang parang 'what note is this? ' sabay tapik ng kahit anong nota sa keyboard... SHIT! pano kaya yun?! hindi naman lahat ng tao may perfect pitch... haay... basta! kahit anong mangyari, PANGARAP KO TO. khit alam kong gigipitin ko lang sarili ko... pamilya ko... ITUTULOY KO BA? aah! nahihirapan na ako!

2nd choice: BFA Advertising Arts... - sabi ni mama, mas mabuti daw to kasi mabilis lang, tapos maganda pa ang mapapasukang trabaho... D: advertising arts... kung computer class nga di bongga nagagawa ko eh, ito pa kaya?! pero hindi ko sinabi to kasi gusto ko matuto. GUSTO KO MATUTO!

tas sabi ni mama, 'gusto ko sayo education'... JUSKO DAI! nu ba yan?! kung science nga dati kong gustong subject binabagsak ko ngayong highschool, EDUCATION PA KAYA?! gusto ko magturo, magturo sa iba ng MUSIKA.

i believe that the melody comes from the heart... the rhythm that only a few would understand... a song that only some would listen... with words of passion, that no one would dare change... its ORIGINAL MUSIC. this music would change the world...

i'd like to make people realize music is within them... music class... tssk.. NOT BORING! hahaha! fun kaya! nag-eenjoy kaya ako, kahit may mga side comments na 'WHOKAY!' o kaya 'E DI SABIHIN MO!!!' , o yung mga statements na may tono tsaka may exclamation point at may kasabay na tingin, okay lang kasi masaya kaming lahat. :)) i used to be ambitious until some folks have ruined things for me... not blaming them, but i want to prove something else...

i used to let go of how i really feel, and just do things because i HAVE to... and i start to like it as well. a friend and i had a conversation last time and she asked
' ano ba balak mo sa buhay?'

sagot ko...

' wala naman akong balak sa buhay ko eh...'

' hala! di pwede yun!'

well, i really don't have for people had to drive my own life, for they know BETTER, as my mom would always say... and i want to have the life i want, the hair, the clothes, the stuff i wear... kanina nga nag-away kami ni mama... sabi niya, ' DI KA KASI UMAYOS EH! IISIPIN NA LANG NG IBA PINABABAYAAN KA NAMIN! '

ouch... frankly, nasaktan ako... kasi ang mga tao, lagi na lang akong kinakausap kasi may mali sa akin... lahat ng ginawa ko mali. parang si mama... lagi siyang nagagalit kasi lahat ng nakita niya sa akin mali. grabe... kaya laking gulat ko na lang nung may nag-sabing ' ako... naapreciate ko yung ginagawa mo ' ... as in WOAH! IMPACT! as in ngayon lang nagsisink in sa akin, kasi i always tell myself that i wouldn't care what others think, basta i know what's right from wrong and i am not doing harm, i join the world as it revolves.... at goal ko na mapakinggan ng tao yung musikang magagawa ko, kasabay ng grupo dahil ayokong mag-isa. wow... someone cares... and it did not come from my mom. haay...

haha! naalala ko si carmela! hindi ako naooffend kapag may sinusuggest kayo, kasi daw nakastraight face ako. uh... i think a lot... i really THINK HARD... i TRY my best to understand... hindi ako madakdak na tao *personally* at hindi ako mahilig magreact... sorry... pero i really like ideas, for like i said, it drives my life. okay?

ito lang... wag niyong ipilit na tama kayo pagdating sa feelings ko kasi i know when i feel bad... i know when i feel angry... and i would tell you guys naman diba?! or someone in this group of friends, but still, i would tell...

yun lang!

hindi ko alam bakit pinagtutuunan ko ito ng pansin... musika?! simula nga nung natuto ako magbanda, dun na din nagsimulang magbago itsura ko, pananalita, pati utak ko. diba? pero ngayong wala na ako sa banda, wala na din akong tugtog.. akala ko nga matitigil na ako eh, which is true, kasi di ko na maalala yung ibang mga songs, pero gumawa ng paraan ang Diyos para makatugtog pa din ako... swear... bagong club, walang banda... wala lang... anyway... masakit kaya kapag sinasabi niyong ang laki ng pinagbago ko, tapos gusto niyo ibalik yung dati... D: ako din, gusto ko, kasi masaya, walang problema, kaya lang ,di na eh... kasi di ko na maayos tong mga natapos na pangyayaring humantong sa problema... ayoko na...

sana tamang mag-apply sa ust kahit mas kailangan ko ng trabaho para makapag- aral... pero kailangan ko munang tapusin ang HIGHSCHOOL! patay... bobo na ako... sobra... well, sige, dati pa...

sinasabayan ko nga ng dalangin ang pag-aaral ko eh... sana matapos na ang paghihirap namin... sana... but this is impossible as well...

today is a total breakdown...

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 13:58:58 GMT

can't find the right words...
can't stutter the awful phrases...
lost what i used to have...
thoughts stop at midair.

sleepless nights chanting
'til scribbles lose their meaning...
wasted efforts and crying sweat,
i lose the music touch as i let go of the first fret.

i sat with a shadow
and a voice with a tone
then i realized
i was not alone.

walked by the alleys i never thought i'd pass...
again.
i remember the happy moments...
time has stolen. again.

lost track of dates,
don't even know what day it is...
lost track at grammar time,
tired, gha, i don't understand.

attention span diminishing...
losing focus...
memory loss...
still, i have you.

...

are you okay?
what else could i say?
it's not always to have their way...
tssk, this is how i end my day.

~ nov. 18

.. saddest lines ..

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 00:58:21 GMT

... how many more lines should i write until the final day?
should it still be about someone i love to make the judges stay?
it's just words with rhyme that makes no sense,
and the fake feeling is just made intense...
~prod .

today...

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 02:46:09 GMT

i was trying to figure out how to play orinoco flow by enya... D: tas ang kinalabasan yung kanta ng all american rejects na gives you hell... :(( :)) panget!

Sem Break

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 04:43:27 GMT

semesteral break... one week after intrams, the intramurals i want to remember, after 8 years of having it.

i dreamt of LOVEGUN last night, for i slept early... *this is not a fallacy. if i have more time to sleep, i dream... * it felt so real, until i find myself curled up by the corner of my bed.

Yesterday kasi, i was about to go up our stairs. i lifted my left foot for the 1st step, but my footwear was big and my first step did not land on the the 1st step of the stairs, but instead, i aimed for the 2nd step. my left foot was not able to reach the second step too, and my footwear, due to the fact that it is big, its front portion tripped on the first step, then i fell... *BLAG!* My mouth hit the fifth step as it started to bleed... my lip was not the only part of my mouth that bled, but also the back of my lip, which looked like a sabotaged tomato! and here's what was awful... half of my gum covering my lower front tooth was scraped off... AS IN TOTALLY! it hurt like HELL! i was shaking by that incident. i lifted myself with my two hands, for i can't feel my legs as well, which hit the steps as well.. the bone part of my legs actually... so i was like doing push ups. ^.^ When i came back to my senses, i could see traces of blood, plus a mouth shaped pattern where my mouth had smacked the fifth plank of our stairs. i was actually bleeding. and here's an ugly thing. instead of running to get a medicine, i ran to get my camera and started taking pictures! and this, my friends is not vanity! i was bleeding hard that i can't imagine what it was!! I WANTED PROOF. which was not quite nice if i see those pictures.

i felt really bad about this. i have the lower part of my face with an injured lip, a swollen lip, and a screaming gum hanging from the next tooth, and it was bleeding uncontrollably as well. GHAD! HE GUM WAS HANGING!!! i was like, oh my! it was not the tooth that fell eh noh?! matututwa pa ako kung ngipin yun! sungki kasi ako eh... hehehe! BUT, IT WAS A GUM! for crimany's sake!!! *yowk* :)) after the incident, i went up and slept. i forgot nga to dry the dishes i had washed because i don't know what to react. i was just... okay. great!..

so.. yun. it was really a good timing for holloween. by the way, when i woke up today, the poor, hanging gum had turned BLACK as if it died!!! yikes! super! and my lip is swollen and it grew like twice than its normal size!!! =)) like the time i had my lip pierced, but my lip is really injured! it looks like the skin was scraped off really well, with a long, deep cut.

i got a pair of scissors from the sewing box, and used it to cut the hanging gum, then it started to bleed!!! but i didn't feel anything. until now, i can't feel anything with my lip but my tooth is painful everytime i use it to chew.

~

so, here's my dream. i can't really remember. it's a setting at the gradeschool top foor, which is going to our theater. haay... there are two lines of plastic blue chairs at the middle of the corridor. we were ABOUT to take a test... yes. i know. it's wierd. taking a test at the corridor, gradeschool corridor.

i remember looking down from the balcony like corridor near the box that cleans erasers. senior students were with me... i remember. it was a typical after lunch setting. i was singing a song. i do not remember what song it was but i know it had the lyrics 'NO, NO, NO , I WILL NEVER LET YOU GO...' blah. darn it! i can't really remember!!! so, i was singing the song, then i stopped for i know LOVEGUN was approaching. i was surprised that she was sang the song as well. when she was singing the chorus, she neared and sang it right beside me, SINGING ON MY RIGHT EAR!!! i had this reaction that i would look as if i can't hear or even see her and continue gazing at the grounds from the balcony, as if i am not listening, but i really am... actually, in real life, i always have this reaction if LOVEGUN's the one talking. also, in real life, i hear lots of things... i hear conversations, murmurs, i hear stuff that sometimes, if one is not paying attention, it's nothing... okay. so going back to my dream, it felt so true... her presence, her VOICE singing, her whisper... the air that comes out from her mouth as she sings... my! MATUTUNAW AKO KUNG MAHAL KO SIYA... kung... ganon yung instance eh. that's a moment that would probably make me want to stop time. it was so close... and the wierd part is that after LOVEGUN sung the last line of the chorus, she immediately turned her back and RAN to the right, following the path of chairs, going to the theater, with her right fist raised to her destination, like what superheroes do.. and she disappeared in the sea of seniors... OH MY! IT SOUNDS RIDICULOUS!! =)) *laughing hard!!!*

then after she left, someone approached me and said, ' nu nangyari dun? ' hahaha! uo nga naman! out of the blue, tatakbo ka parang superman paalis?!!! ahaahahaha! NAKAKATAKOT!!

i just wanted to remember the moment that she was singing beside me... singing to my ear. ANO MAN YUNG KANTANG YON, it felt SINCERE... that made me feel gravity. i felt heavy as she was singing. i wanted to move but i froze as her voice flooded my ears. ewan ko ba, pero i can't describe the feeling eh. PERO BENTA YUNG PAG-ALIS NIYA!!! parang nawarak na moment!!!! ahahahahahahahahaha!!!

yun. after she went, and someone approached me, *feel ko si mynah yun*, we raced back to our seats as the bell rang. wala akong seatmate. :| :( aw... i was seated katapat ng staircase... i was on the right side, facing the theater, then a friend, leiko, was sitting at the back of the chair beside me. she has no seatmate as well. after her is micah, and she was sitting behind leiko. micah has no partner as well. pero, yung kaharap ko, sino man sila, were partners!! haha! so when i was passing the questionaire to the back, there was no one to get it. :( haahaha! yun lang... i remember the answer sheet had A.B.C then you have to highlight it. i can't remember this as well!!! hahahah!

yun lang! end.

haay...

~

make the world revolve twice
then you've made my world stop otherwise...
you're supernatural to make things wise,
i want your world to turn counterclockwise. :D

it's the only way to make things better,
though dreams is like shallow water...
beneath the balance of earth and sky,
are wishes cleansed by rhythm of this lullaby.

Am Back!

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 02:54:35 GMT

i think i would be opening my lj account more often... this will serve as hm... my open book.

okay! 'til then!

i miss you.......

Thu, 28 May 2009 15:51:50 GMT

thanks to sarahiscute09, *tama ba? :)* i wouldn't really think of opening this again... after the last, sad, blog i made which became visible as well in multply. :( but, now, i realize how amazing a blog could be. i regret the times that I wasn't able to write, instead, I feel sulky and angry 'til I go to sleep, and I feel the same way everyday when I used to go to school. i miss it, frankly. :|

haay... today is a tiring day. hmm. i am itching to play the guitar. i want to play this song entitled 'Castles in the Air' by Don McLean. He is a very brilliant man, and I've been listening to him since i was younger, before we had internet and stuff! ahahhaha! then i saw people playing this song kanina... haay! depression! i was banned from playing the piano and guitar eh. :(( so that i could focus on my studies. bandmates and friends are not allowed to come and stay here anymore. my mom scolded, saying that they should be blamed for what I have become. I don't really understand. I like music more than my studies. i used to study a lot when i was in gradeschool, but i wasn't anything like this before. i was a happy person. HAPPY. ngayon, WASAK!

nagalit din yung nanay ko sa akin last tuesday kasi pumunta ako palengke with jessica, eh ayaw ng nanay ko. kumuha ako ng 15pesos tapos pumunta akong palengke para bumili ng black sabbath... that same day, nung gabi, nagalit din siya kasi i had a new piercing under my lip... and she was furious! she wanted me to be jailed for she thinks im crazy, and she wants me out of the house. my friends were banned nga from my house, so ako yung lumalabas. pero, i stayed and proved to my "mom" that i am not going anywhere at paninindigan ko yun! wala siya magawa! She went to my grandma's room to watch tv, as i went up to sleep.

but, I am excited, because a bandmate, our bassist, Mik and I had a conversation in y!m and it had been ages since I went online!! we are going to meet on june 2! hala! it's near our vocalist's birthday! or is it the day itself?! ahahahaha! and, i was able to give a song to simplybroken.

Today, I've been listening to Don McLean, half the day trying to figure out how he does that! hahaha! and also Erik Mongrain, that I just discovered while a friend ,Karol, said that she was on youtube waitching videos. Mr. Mongrain had an airtap guitar playing featured. :))

i've been making songs... i am trying to figure out how to make the nicest song for her, instead of sad songs... i made twelve songs all about... her... ewan ko, baka FOR HER, not about her. grabe! nonesense! useless! alam ko... ahahaha! boring pati yun! lumilipas ang feelings... tae! maniwala ka naman! hindi noh!!! Ahahahaha! xD everytime na pinaplay ko yung mga songs na yun, feel ko talaga ang sama sama ko... :(( tsaka ang engot ko. i am just figuring out how to make a song about her. hmm... kaya lang, wala pa eh... hindi ko kasi siya kilala. :| :(( wala din akong happy moments eh. wala ako maalala, kung di yung mga monster times namin, na sobrang sad. bakit kaya? ewan!

hanggang ngayon nga eh, parang gago lang akong nagusulat ng blog. bukas, tatapusin ko yung notebook na bigay nung ANGEL ko. miss ko na din siya!!! anyway, hanggang dito na lang! matutulog na ako!

i miss you more... ay shit! pag naman mababasa ko ulit to, malulungkot lang ako lalo!

~
alam kong hindi ka interesado. wala din ako oras. hindi na nila kailangang sabihin na hindi ka interesado. at sa part ko, mga salita lang yon. mga kanta lang yan. kahit sino kayang sabihin mga inuusal ko. kahit sino kayang gumawa niyan. tama nang makasakit gamit mga salita. ayoko magsorry. wala namang rason diba? natiis mo nga akong hindi kausapin. wala namang dapat ayusin. hindi naman dapat habulin para sabihin lang na ewan mo sa akin. wala namang permanente sa buhay. kung sinira kita pati yang reputasyon mo, hindi ko na intensiyon yun. hindi naman kita kilala eh. lagi ka galit. lagi maiinit ulo mo. bakit kaya? ano ba talaga magpapasaya sa'yo? sana happy ka... ingat ka na lang lagi.

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